am i stuck here forever?
am i too old, to disadvantaged, to reach my goals ?
ill try very hard to keep this question short, but theres just alot to explain, to say.
im 31 had a very hard life, many abuses, mainly psychological - ive lived alone in a one bedroom apartment on welfare for 6 years now - so far , ive missed out on a normal life of employment, having friends, having a job, virtually everything.
the mental health services have failed me all my life and im still struggling to get the right help and care from the services.
i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder years ago, but ive felt for a while now ive had symptoms of other disorders to, the other ones being : - OCD , ptsd and bipolar .
i know i have ptsd, i have all the symptoms for it and want further tests done , but i also suspect bipolar and ocd.
the problem is my mental health team dont agree with me and wont test me further, - they wont get me psychotherapy either because they said theres no resources for it in my area..
so now, im gonna have to go down other channels to see i get further assesments done and get intensive therapy..
some of my symptoms are : obsessive worries everyday, about my physical health, future , mental health, material possessions - i repeat these same worries everyday - racing thoughts everyday, struggle to hold a train of thought , scattered jumbled thoughts, feel disorganized, worried everyday.
high levels of anxiety and palpitations , im agoraphobic and cant go out, except to do essential things - i struggle with anger and rage feelings , moods are always ok one minute , euphoric and hopeful the next , back to extremely dispairing the next.
have disocociative episodes where i space out, outside , have panic attacks and feel on edge if i have to go out, on guard. - paranoia people are against me
ive had these symptoms most of my adult life
ive physically aged in my face because of a stressful life , frown lines , dark lines under eyes , balding , open pores and im worrying :
what face procedure or cosmetic products should i buy for myself to try and keep my skin looking young, healthy ?
what cosmetic facial products do i need to get and how do i use them ?
even though i look older than 31 - premature aging.
i have minor physical disfigurements that cant be repaired , that i worry about : 2 missing teeth , at the front, bottom row due to an accident years back…………a crooked little finger that droops over slightly from an accident years back…………damaged nerves in my right knuckle from punching a wall years ago , that a surgeon said cant be fixed.
i can use my right hand normally but it hurts to hit a punch bag for example.
as well as my disadvantaged past , i also have a criminal record 9 years ago for carrying a knife in a rough area and an assault : i kicked this person in the street.
so all this being the case i worry- '' how will i achieve my goals in life ''?
goals of leaving england , relocating to a hot country, somewhere coastal, getting an ok job in computers , finding a significant other, some friends etc ??
how when im so disadvantaged and im 31 already ?
i feel stuck in the system, kept down, reliant and dependent upon the system……the mental health services are still not helping me…….i dont want to depend on them.
i wanna be self reliant, independent and go '' my own way ''
im an independent minded person in general im not a sheep.
people here , some dont like me , because of my rage problems many years back , i dont like them either - so i feel alienated in society.
i never go out because of severe agoraphobia.
people tell me i cant reach my goals in my situation, im too old and too disadvantaged and to aim much lower .
i normally get mad at those people because they anger me so much, then they back away or laugh snidely.
im waiting for an operation on my left ankle soon, i will be in a plaster for 6 weeks - i torn the ligaments in a sprain year ago.
here , what ive written are my main problems right now , starting from the top -
does anyone know how i can work through them and achieve my goals ?
to be honest , i feel scared now , trapped in this situation in england, living on welfare in a one bedroom apartment forever .
i dont wanna be here , i want the life ive never had , of not being dependent on the system, a job and to leave england.
but how will i do it at my disadvantages at my age ????? ??
Posted in psychotherapy education
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June 16th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
Never stuck anywhere. Have you ever heard of Og Mandeo? He was a homeless guy who went into the Library to get out from the cold. He ended up reading so many positive books that he changed his life.
I would say go to the library and read positive books. You will find what you need in good books. Not the good book but lots of great stuff out there.
Sometimes I believe life is hard sometimes I'm happy and see Unlimited blessings. Life is both. I had a hard start in life but made it to a wonderful place, then my hard start caught up with me and I had a bad turn. Now I'm coming back, and you can make it also. I'm 53 so your age is not holding you back. My age is not holding me back.
June 16th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
dude email me jstew01375@yahoo.com or if you have aim…mcj4242
June 16th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
Your answer is God …….
God is still up there ….. he is still GOD who hears our prayers….God is just a prayer away ….when we talk to him ..we might feel he isn't listening …but rest assured he is just there …happy than ever that we told what we need …and he is more than just being happy to respond right away to our need …. I believe in prayer …and maybe i cant personally do anything for you ….but i know i can pray for you …..and i can guarantee you that if you agree with me ..i mean just agree that prayer will help…and just stay positive …having an attitude that you allowed someone to pray and then you aided for it by just believing that prayer is going to change that situation ……i know that your situation has already changed……..
God has a Hope for you … A future for you … A future filled with Hope and not for shame….
Here is a personal Letter from god Just for you !!!
My Child,
You may not know me,
but I know everything about you.
Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up.
Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways.
Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.
Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image.
Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being.
Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring.
Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived.
Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation.
Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake,
for all your days are written in my book.
Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth
and where you would live.
Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother's womb.
Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born.
Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented
by those who don't know me.
John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry,
but am the complete expression of love.
1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.
1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child
and I am your Father.
1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.
Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father.
Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.
James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.
Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.
Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love.
Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless
as the sand on the seashore.
Psalms 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you.
Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession.
Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish you
with all my heart and all my soul.
Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things.
Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart,
you will find me.
Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you
the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4
For it is I who gave you those desires.
Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you
than you could possibly imagine.
Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager.
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you
in all your troubles.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted,
I am close to you.
Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb,
I have carried you close to my heart.
Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away
every tear from your eyes.
Revelation 21:3-4
And I'll take away all the pain
you have suffered on this earth.
Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you
even as I love my son, Jesus.
John 17:23
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed.
John 17:26
He is the exact representation of my being.
Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you,
not against you.
Romans 8:31
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19
His death was the ultimate expression
of my love for you.
1 John 4:10
I gave up everything I loved
that I might gain your love.
Romans 8:31-32
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus,
you receive me.
1 John 2:23
And nothing will ever separate you
from my love again.
Romans 8:38-39
Come home and I'll throw the biggest party
heaven has ever seen.
Luke 15:7
I have always been Father,
and will always be Father.
Ephesians 3:14-15
My question is…
Will you be my child?
John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you.
Luke 15:11-32
Love, Your Dad
Almighty God
respond to GOD Please……
mail me if you want to talk to me ….My condition is far worse than you can imagine …. but i still hope and believe in GOD
samthegenie@hotmail.com
take care Brother ….