do i have more problems than most people ? & am i labelled & stigmatized forever by my past?
im 31 now had a very rough life, abuse, bullying etc, been in a mental hospital 8 years ago , because i said things to scare psychiatrist so i would get help and treatment for my symptoms , that i want getting in society.
missed out on a normal life of building friendships, having a job, having qualifications etc.
have a criminal record 8 years ago.
used to have uncontrollable rage attacks in public, where id lose control , lash out at people, get into confrontations, shout, rage , act crazy.
i put it down to repressed anger, and a lot of the bullying i suffered earlier in life .
i was diagnosed with borderline personality years ago, so i put it down to this disorder to.
im still at 31, struggling to get the right help, therapy and support from the mental health services..
ive asked for further assesment because i also have all the symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder , and symptoms of bipolar and feel i need further tests and assesments.
my psychiatrist doesnt agree and things all my symptoms are related to BPD and that diagnosis arnt important but to treat the symptoms.
my psychiatrist wont give me meds because he said their addictive and a short term fix, and dont work in the long term…they have side effects, and you depend on them rather than dealing with your problems…
the only therapy their giving me is exposure therapy, going out into society with a bunch of workers to integrate into society because ive been socially isolated for many years because of agoraphobia, extreme anxiety, rage feelings , social problems , feeling persecuted etc.
theyre calling that therapy , ive asked for psychotherapy and DBT which they said is not available.
my symptoms are : racing thoughts, scattered thoughts everyday, mood swings from ok…..to severley low, bleak no hope, but mostly feeling very bleak………..if i get reassurance from someone , i can feel ok again.
high anxiety everyday, worrying about everything obsessively, my physical health……feeling cut off estranged from society…..struggle to focus or hold a train of thought……………….bad racing thoughts.
struggling with rage feelings…….feel very low, bleak isolated…..then i can feel euphoric all of a sudden.
cant relax, hyper vigillent outside, always tense and on edge outside, easily startled by loud noises……quick to have a rage attack.
those are just some symptoms, ive had many years now.
ive lived alone for 5 years on welfare now owning little possessions, trying to chase help from the mental health services
( which im not getting - have to go down other routes like make complaints etc )
i feel lost, isolated and insecure in life.
im thinking , ‘ omg what if im labelled and stigmatized in life ”?
relating to the rage outburst where i lashed out and threatened people aggressively many many years ago now…….time in the psyche hospital…….all the bad things i told doctors so i would get help…………my criminal offences : carrying a kinfe when i lived in a rough area and thugs were targetting me ……..assault : i kicked someone in the bum when i lost control of rage in 1998.
so this is my past, which ive been trying to better for many years now..
done well controlling rage all by myself……..have insight into my issues etc.
ive never done anything major bad but still, i feel labelled and stigmatized..
i have goals of wanting to leave the uk, move abroad to a hot country, somewhere coastal, with a decent paying job in IT computers.
those are my goals but god knows how ill achieve them at my stage, being so disadvantaged…
does anyone thing i could be labelled and stigmatized by my past ?
iam now 31
Posted in psychotherapy education
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July 17th, 2009 at 9:42 am
No. You need to believe in your dreams and believe in yourself. You need to have confidence. You are not labeled by your past, and need to stop living in the past and start living in the future
July 17th, 2009 at 9:42 am
It sounds like you don’t feel like you’re in control in your own life. To start getting better, I’ll suggest a few simple things. Maintain a consistent eating and sleeping schedule. Eat 3 to 4 meals a day and try to eat healthy things. If you can’t do that, then at least take a vitamin daily. Get at least 8 hours of sleep a day and try to go to bed at the same time every night. If you have trouble sleeping, take some Melatonin which is a natural sleeping aid. If you use alot of technology, try to cut back. If you focus some of your mind on these things, you can get your mind off of bad memories and thoughts. Try to also alleviate your stress naturally by exercising, listening to music that soothes you, reading, and spending time with anyone you can call a friend. Avoid caffeine, alcohol, and smoking as much as you can. It’s quite easy to focus on bad thoughts and harder to focus on positive thoughts. Try to think positive and remember, just because you’ve had bad experiences in the past, doesn’t mean you have to have them in the future. This may sound embarrassingly simple, but I’m sure this will help. It’s a very good thing that you have goals. Focus on these, and DON’T dwell on past experiences if it leads to negative thought. It also sounds like you suffer from some anxiety. Although it is quite natural to be anxious about things, it’s unhealthy to obsess over things. Although it sounds stupid, if you feel anxious and stressed all the time, you can get symptoms like insomnia, vomiting, dizziness, and headahces. Don’t focus on what doctors diagnose you with, especially psychiatrists and psychologists.. Mental illnesses are created and changed every year, and that should say something about their validity.
If you do these things, don’t get frustrated if you don’t get instant gratification. It takes time and effort!