I feel manipulated .Would you give me an advice?
I am currently unemployed.First, I made up my mind on a career change , which made it a lot more difficult to get a job in such an economy.I tried a lot, and that was when I turned to an old friend.Actually, he was the one who contacted me first, and I was feeling so bad then, that I had to get some psychotherapy.I had some form of depression accompagnied by anxiety.I couldn’t sleep ,was anorexic,vomiting attacks.He is older than I am , and is very successful in what he is doing.Actually, he himself had changed careers before,so he was like an angel sent by God to help me out.He could help me find a job.This is how it works where I come from!.The problem is that man claims that he loves me ,and that he wants to marry me .At the mean time , I am not ready to get into any relationships, because 1 .I have just recently got out from a very abusive one , and I feel I need to take a lot of time to think about it.2.I want to fix my life , one step at a time..I told him that .I was honest .I could have made some fake promises , or made use of him , but I didn’t.He got very angry , and he doesn’t understand where I come from .I need time, space, and I need to settle down before I make up my mind on anything.He is sometimes very nice, and other times he gets very angry and pissed off.He wants us to start dating.He wants something in return..I don’t know , shall I be expecting him to help me, or he won’t unless he gets what he wants..N.B.I am turning out to him in an honest way..I just needed his help and told him that clearly..
I am currently studying for my MBA programme, so I am trying not to be totally dependent.
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September 27th, 2009 at 7:09 am
Ahh, it’s horrible when guys are like this!
Yes, he is trying to use you, in a sense.
Basically, he’s made the assumption in his mind that if he helps you, you will be so grateful you’ll fall in love with him and see him as your ’saviour’ or ‘knight in armour’.
Unfortunately, because the reality differs from his perception of how things should’ve gone, his personal frustrations are manifesting into anger aimed at you, for spoiling his perceived view of the reality he wanted for himself.
Unfortunately, you won’t be getting the help he promised you, as this was under the silent condition you gave yourself to him, which you have not(and rightly so!).
I wish I could solve your employment situation, but I can’t. I can only give you my take on this guy, based upon seeing this happen more than twice and knowing the mind of such a person as he seems to be.
September 27th, 2009 at 7:09 am
Try and get a job at a hospital in the mean time or a department store.
September 27th, 2009 at 7:09 am
Take an English class.
September 27th, 2009 at 7:09 am
Yes…this so-called friend of yours is certainly not loveworthy. If he wants something in return even before he extends his help to you, you can’t trust him enough to go around with him. Be strong and face your own problems. Any help from such a person is an insult to your own conscience and abilities. Stop talking to him.
September 27th, 2009 at 7:09 am
Hi!
i thing that your behaviour towards this man is completely right,you cant marry such a man,and you have been sincere to him.If he really doesnt want to help you any more,he will not help you even if you marry him,so its better not to depend on him and to find another way.
September 27th, 2009 at 7:09 am
This is the definition of manipulation.
He gave you something without saying up front "I expect payment in this form"
That is exactly how manipulators work. They give you something that is not free, but allow you to believe it’s free. Once you are in debited, they demand payment.
Except no more help from him. Tell him you would be happy to extend the same career courtesy for someone he knows, or for him, himself. But being pushed into a relationship was not "part of the deal".
He had honor, he would have made his intentions known at the beginning, and not try and trick you out of your virtue- sexually or spiritually.
Gifts are things given without payment expected back.
What he did was pay you- and now expects a relationship (sex) in return.
That would make you a whore.
If he pushes the issue, You can say that he gave you the gift as a friend. Because he did not tell you upfront and clearly- and MAKE SURE he was clear about it- what his ultimate intentions are- you OWE him nothing.
This is exactly what tricksters do.
You want nothing to do with someone who wants to trick you- because they do not respect you.