I feel so left behind in life at nearly 31- what do i do?
right now i feel alone , isolated from society with many insecurities.
ive had a unfortunate hard life filled with trauma, because of this ive missed out on the normal things that a person does : forming any relationships, having a life - achieving an education and qualifications.
was diagnosed with bpd personality disorder with ptsd traits 2 years ago, suffered and still suffer with the symptoms of ; high anxiety panic problems, struggle with aggression and rage , very low self esteem ; agoraphobia been isolated from society for many years.. ; struggle social to form friendships , maintain conversations , have very low self esteem.
used to have countless rage outbursts in public years ago, impulsive aggression, but ive managed it well for years.
been very lucky, because of rage i lashed out at people in public, been attacked myself, cautioned by the police in the past - the rage comes from years of bottled up anger in adolescence where i suffered taunts and mental bullying.
people in my local community are still cold and aloof and treat me as an outcast, their distant from me , like they have for many, many years , but ive tried to carry on and ignore it…
in the present i live in a one bedroom flat in the north of england on disability, owning hardly any possessions, reliant on the mental health services for support…………they dont have the therapy i want because of lack of resources ( individual psychotherapy ) so im having to take what their offering which is ( occupational therapy to integrate me back into society ) because ive been isolated , alienated from society half my life.
i have a criminal and psychiatric record, criminal record going back 7 years ago, spent time in a mental hospital for 18 months in 2000.
to be honest iam desperate for a life and happiness, a career, meaningful relationships, security , stability , to achieve my goals in life of a decent computer job and to move away from england , live abroad someplace near a coast, with a wife etc..
im desperate for all this, things ive never achieved because of my unfortunate life.
i act desperate for people friendship, and my severe low esteem frightens people away or they reject me.
and how will i achieve the things i desire in life when iam so far behind everybody else at many disadvantages ?
Posted in psychotherapy education
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July 15th, 2009 at 1:15 am
Read "I Don’t Want To Talk About It" by Terrence Real; it’s about male depression and it’s very good.
Find individual therapy for free; it’s out there if you really look. I live in the U.S. but I counsel people from the community for free at my University’s counseling center. Check schools in your area to see if any psychology training programs have free therapy.
You’re still young. You can study something and have a career. It’s not too late. I’m really sorry for what happened to you, but you have a new opportunity here to actually do something for yourself, go for your dreams, and NOT let your past prevent you from succeeding in your future. Make a plan, research how you can implement it, and then go for it. Don’t let what you experienced cause you to stop engaging in life.
Don’t try too hard with people to make friends; in other words, don’t try to be someone you are not. Look for kind, nice people and start friendships slow. I think you can do it.
Good luck.
July 15th, 2009 at 1:15 am
just do what you never got to do.
you wasted enough time already.
get out there and have fun dude.
July 15th, 2009 at 1:15 am
Wow. I don’t know you, but my heart goes out to you. I can’t imagine what life has been like for you, but the good news is that you are still alive. Each day is a chance to start over and live the life you want. Do you have any belief in spirituality? I practice new thought religion, with an emphasis in realizing your inner Christ (in other words, your unique, best Self). If you do this, you have an inner compass that guides you out of the darkness you now live. This light will result in you naturally attracting what you want and more. But if you hang on to the past, you will only be controlled by the past. It is the closest to hell on earth.
Also, realize you’re not alone, although it may feel like it. Another way to get through depression is to reach out to someone in your predicament, either in person or in prayer.
On a more practical level, focus on what you’re good at and what you enjoy. When you have joy in your life, its contagious to other people! Are you in a position to volunteer somewhere or take classes? What about getting a makeover? Sometimes an image change does the trick.
Whatever you do, just know that you are not alone. And for goodness sake, 31 is still young. You can start living your life TODAY.
Peace and blessings,
Sad1 (I know. Ironic, huh!)
July 15th, 2009 at 1:15 am
My friend, you are loved by God, and you can be healed through faith in Christ. "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to prosper you, and not to harm you… to give you a future and a hope."
That comes from the book of Jeremiah in the Bible. Your life was planned by the God who knows every hair on your head… who knew each one of your days before a single one came to pass. But we all have an enemy in this world, who seeks only to steal, kill, and destroy. Because of that enemy, sin is alive and well on this earth… we all sin daily, and all deserve to die for our sins against a holy and perfect God. Because he loves us so much, he came to earth (that’s what Christmas is all about!) to live a human life… and then he laid his life down, to pay the price, for our sin… but it’s a gift that we must choose to accept.
If you accept what Jesus did for you… if you cry out to him and tell him your hurts and your dreams… you will never regret it. You will find your broken life being made whole.
I know that not everyone believes this… I didn’t believe it myself until 2001. Your story has touched me, and if you want to know more about this amazing God of ours… let me know by editing your question and I will give you my email address.
July 15th, 2009 at 1:15 am
I recommend this website called LetsReflect.com
It changed my life….here’s my profile.
http://www.letsreflect.com/profile.php?userid=6
The trick is staying positive and surrounding yourself with positive people. You are capable of great things! I believe in you. Best of luck.