is there no way out of my situation ?
am i too old, to disadvantaged, to reach my goals ?
ill try very hard to keep this question short, but theres just alot to explain, to say.
im 31 had a very hard life, many abuses, mainly psychological - ive lived alone in a one bedroom apartment on welfare for 6 years now - so far , ive missed out on a normal life of employment, having friends, having a job, virtually everything.
the mental health services have failed me all my life and im still struggling to get the right help and care from the services.
i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder years ago, but ive felt for a while now ive had symptoms of other disorders to, the other ones being : - OCD , ptsd and bipolar .
i know i have ptsd, i have all the symptoms for it and want further tests done , but i also suspect bipolar and ocd.
the problem is my mental health team dont agree with me and wont test me further, - they wont get me psychotherapy either because they said theres no resources for it in my area..
so now, im gonna have to go down other channels to see i get further assesments done and get intensive therapy..
some of my symptoms are : obsessive worries everyday, about my physical health, future , mental health, material possessions - i repeat these same worries everyday - racing thoughts everyday, struggle to hold a train of thought , scattered jumbled thoughts, feel disorganized, worried everyday.
high levels of anxiety and palpitations , im agoraphobic and cant go out, except to do essential things - i struggle with anger and rage feelings , moods are always ok one minute , euphoric and hopeful the next , back to extremely dispairing the next.
have disocociative episodes where i space out, outside , have panic attacks and feel on edge if i have to go out, on guard. - paranoia people are against me
ive had these symptoms most of my adult life
ive physically aged in my face because of a stressful life , frown lines , dark lines under eyes , balding , open pores and im worrying :
what face procedure or cosmetic products should i buy for myself to try and keep my skin looking young, healthy ?
what cosmetic facial products do i need to get and how do i use them ?
even though i look older than 31 - premature aging.
i have minor physical disfigurements that cant be repaired , that i worry about : 2 missing teeth , at the front, bottom row due to an accident years back…………a crooked little finger that droops over slightly from an accident years back…………damaged nerves in my right knuckle from punching a wall years ago , that a surgeon said cant be fixed.
i can use my right hand normally but it hurts to hit a punch bag for example.
as well as my disadvantaged past , i also have a criminal record 9 years ago for carrying a knife in a rough area and an assault : i kicked this person in the street.
so all this being the case i worry- ” how will i achieve my goals in life ”?
goals of leaving england , relocating to a hot country, somewhere coastal, getting an ok job in computers , finding a significant other, some friends etc ??
how when im so disadvantaged and im 31 already ?
i feel stuck in the system, kept down, reliant and dependent upon the system……the mental health services are still not helping me…….i dont want to depend on them.
i wanna be self reliant, independent and go ” my own way ”
im an independent minded person in general im not a sheep.
people here , some dont like me , because of my rage problems many years back , i dont like them either - so i feel alienated in society.
i never go out because of severe agoraphobia.
people tell me i cant reach my goals in my situation, im too old and too disadvantaged and to aim much lower .
i normally get mad at those people because they anger me so much, then they back away or laugh snidely.
im waiting for an operation on my left ankle soon, i will be in a plaster for 6 weeks - i torn the ligaments in a sprain year ago.
here , what ive written are my main problems right now , starting from the top - does anyone know how i can work through them and achieve my goals ?
to be honest , i feel scared now , trapped in this situation in england, living on welfare in a one bedroom apartment forever .
i dont wanna be here , i want the life ive never had , of not being dependent on the system, a job and to leave england.
but how will i do it at my disadvantages at my age ????? ??
Posted in psychotherapy education
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July 5th, 2009 at 4:34 am
If you don’t like the life you have, and if you don’t like being dependent on the system, and if you want a job, then you need to get off this website and start typing up a resume, already!
You can wish all you want but nothing is ever going to change for you if you don’t change your way of thinking. PLENTY of people have been through what you have and far worse, and they do just fine because instead of coming here 4 times a day to "ask for help", they actually get off their bums and DO SOMETHING to change their life.
I suggest you do the same. No one here can do that for you. Stop calling yourself "disadvantaged". You’re not special and many people are far worse off than you. You need to change your way of thinking. If you can’t do that, then you might as well just kill yourself and be done with it.
July 5th, 2009 at 4:34 am
awww.. no you’re never to old to learn!! you need to get out more. you’re talking of all these mental problems, but sometimes its mainly controlling your mind/brain that helps! you need to believe in yourself and see you’re better than just doing nothing with your life. there’s so much out there. find a hobby, and always remember, you’re not alone in this. talk to somebody??? i live in england too, and yes it’s pretty depressing. but summer’s coming up so make the most of it =)
regards
July 5th, 2009 at 4:34 am
sorry in s hurry didn’t read it all
July 5th, 2009 at 4:34 am
I don’t have an answer for you. No one does. The question you pose, "is it too late for me to change my life?" is a question only you can answer.
July 5th, 2009 at 4:34 am
Find a church you can trust. You need someone people to guide you. There are churches that have stephen’s minsters who help people during a crisis. Google "Stephen’s Minstry" and see if there’s a church around you that has one. (not sure if England has this though). I urge you to pray. It takes no money and can perform wonders. I’ll pray that you can find people who will help you and for God to give you the strength and hope to go on.