Is there something powerful enough to manage a married couple while love is on a long for vacation?
Ideologically, love will never last every moment of life, and there will be a time that love will go for a long vacation and there is no specific time for it returns. So, when love is not present, what is one thing that is strong enough to manage the relationship between the couple until love returns? What I could think of is a baby, shared possessions or financial saving and Psychotherapy. What is your best suggestion base on your experience and knowledge? Or what is one thing that you could suggest which is strong and powerful enough to keep a married couple together until the day when love return from its long vacation?
Posted in psychotherapy education
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August 9th, 2009 at 10:46 pm
I usually don’t recommend books because I hate it when people recommend them to me, but I honestly wish I could buy "Love & Respect" for every married (and engaged) person I know. So try and hear me out…
It states that a woman’s driving need is to feel loved and when she feels loved she feels happy. A man’s driving need is to feel respect and when he feels respected he is happy. When a woman feels unloved she acts out disrespectfully to her husband, and when a man feels disrespected he acts out unlovingly towards his wife and the crazy cycle begins.
If this is setting off any light bulbs for you read on…
"I wrote this book out of desperation that was turned into inspiration. As a pastor, I counseled married couples and could not solve their problems. The major problem I heard from wives was, "He doesn’t love me." Wives are made to love, want to love, and expect love. Many husbands fail to deliver. But as I kept studying Scripture and counseling couples, I finally saw the other half of the equation. Husbands weren’t saying it much, but they were thinking, "She doesn’t respect me." Husbands are made to be respected, want respect, and expect respect. Many wives fail to deliver. The result is that five out of ten marriages land in divorce court (and that includes evangelical Christians).
As I wrestled with the problem, I finally saw a connection: without love from him, she reacts without respect; without respect from her, he reacts without love. Around and around it goes. I call it the Crazy Cycle - marital craziness that has thousands of couples in its grip."
I am not even half-ways through the book and workbook, and while my husband is not studying the material with me it has already worked miracles in my no-longer-failing marriage.
If you do believe in God I highly recommend this biblically based book. It’s not a "religious freak" book or anything but it’s nice to know that it is based on things in the bible and not just some theory or pop psychology book, and it’s been a #1 seller for over 2 years now… it’s working for thousands of couples!
August 9th, 2009 at 10:46 pm
I agree with you when you say that love will never last every second.
I think that being a FRIEND -just a friend- with your partner is good sometimes. And in my opinion, i you can’t have a friendship with your partner, how can you have a relationship?
It’s like building a house. If the foundation is soft and moist, the house will have problems, and ultimately sink. But, if you have a nice, solid foundation, the house can stand for many years.
August 9th, 2009 at 10:46 pm
Wish I could offer a solution, but I don’t believe in that. Sometimes love may not be as strong, but as long as it’s there, even remotely all of those things you mentioned can keep a couple together.
However, if it’s really gone, I don’t see it ever returning. You can care about another, you can want what is best for them, but you can’t make yourself love someone you don’t.
But if this is something you need to believe in, than I would say the one thing that can keep a couple together would be "Hope"
August 9th, 2009 at 10:46 pm
No, no, no! PLEASE do not have a baby in order to preserve your marriage. It’s the worst possible thing to do. ditto the sharing of material things. If you are both really serious about staying together and waiting for love to return, then the only thing strong enough to make it work is simply a devotion to that commitment.
August 9th, 2009 at 10:46 pm
Mutual respect, friendship (with each other), sense of responsibility/obligation, plus all of the things that you listed in your question.
August 9th, 2009 at 10:46 pm
Love = communication and trust. Babies DO NOT make someone love you. If love dies (it doesn’t go on a long vacation), then you live in misery or you get out and move on..