ive had a rotten, bleak past, but i also dread, and fear a bleak future and outlook- what do i do?
im sat here in a one bedroom flat on social security, i have borderline personality disorder..im 30 years old and because of my abusive, hard past where i was sexually abused….bullied throughout high school, spent 18 months in a psyche unit….ive never been employed, gained qualifications….never made any friends or ever been in a relationship with the oppisite sex.
iam seriously frightened for my future….my psych has offered psychotherapy but wont give meds for my high anxiety that keeps me in most times…and my racing thoughts that spin most days…cant think straight or hold train of thought- so it looks like im gonna pursue a second opinion.
i have physical health worries, torn ankle ligaments- a crooked little finger- im bald- have two missing lower teeth at the front- im physically aging in my face- im overweight.
i have a long mental health record and fear stigma, social exclusion, discrimination, and alienation from society because of my diagnosis & situation
it appears i have nothing going for me..nothing to offer.
no one is there for me except the mental health services
which i dont even feel im getting the right help from.
i still have big hopes and dreams in life of emigration from the uk,
to far away, outside europe, to a hot climate to start afresh, a new
start.
hopes of a good job, my own home, a loving girlfriend, good friends,
security, happiness, living by the beach. relaxed way of life, love, acceptance,
but by now you can probablly share my dread and bleak outlook at how hopeless i feel and that
because of my circumstances, how impossible it will be to achieve those
dreams.
plus im a physically aging 30, with imperfections, a mental health record, no work
history.
christ, what am i going to do?
Posted in psychotherapy education
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July 2nd, 2009 at 3:28 am
Ok well once you start off feeling better about your physical appearance I believe that you will gain confidence in other areas. It’s never too late to turn your life around. You should start off on an exercise program, you mentioned torn ligaments, can you walk for long distances? If so start walking everyday you can start off for 30 minutes and then slowly increase the time. You have computer access so you can find some exercises that you can do at home, you don’t need a gym or any special equipment to lose weight and get in shape. Next you need to see a dentist for tooth replacement, I’m sure you could use a really good cleaning while you are there, then you need to start making oral hygiene a top priority, it doesn’t take much time each day to brush and floss. As far as being bald and having a crooked finger, these are actually very minor once you lose weight and get your teeth fixed I bet the minor things won’t matter.
Next you need to find a job, any job that you can go to every day and feel like you are needed somewhere. There are many jobs that don’t require previous experience, maybe a restaurant, janitor, car wash attendant. This will also allow you to get out and meet people. You will feel so much better about yourself. Just take it slow and nver give up.
July 2nd, 2009 at 3:28 am
I would be interested to know why you are repeating your question? It looked familiar to me so I went into your site and saw that this is the second time you have put this question into Psychology.
I am wondering whether it is because you are getting answers and it is making you feel better.
May I suggest however, that you broaden your outlook somewhat and try for some other questions that are of interest.
It seems as if you really DONT want answers, because you certainly not taken note of the answer I gave you. You just want to connect. You are not "spreading your wings" by repeating the same question. Are you interested in music. politics, pets etc. hundreds of subjects.
OR is it that you are not interested in "help" you just want to wollo in your own misery?
July 2nd, 2009 at 3:28 am
When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.
I think a second opinion is a good idea.
sounds like you have some things going for you though - you finished high school, have enough intelligence to realize you need to change things, are obviously literate and skilled at computers.
I’ve had a number of bad things too, but someone once said you can’t be made to feel bad (or be a victim) without your consent. So stop letting other people make you feel bad and concentrate on the good things. For example, if you are no longer being sexually abused, feel good about the fact that you are out of a harmful situation and can focus on other things instead of your physical safety.
There are people who will look down on you because of a mental health record, but there are those who will accept you for who you are. To me the second kind are worth having in my life and the first kind aren’t worth the time to worry about.
You have dreams and goals - write them down and start making plans to reach them. Choose a small one to start with and concentrate on what could happen if you succeed and don’t worry about what could go wrong. Then the next decision and action will be easier.
Also try volunteer work - for example, helping feed homeless at a soup kitchen, or helping make repairs for elderly. This will help you realize you aren’t the only one with troubles, and yours might be smaller than other peoples, as well as give you a good feeling inside.
Try some regular exercise too - even just a walk around. Smile at people you don’t know well. This will relieve stress and anxiety and help with the weight. After a while, people will begin to make friends with you because you are a regular part of their day.
July 2nd, 2009 at 3:28 am
I won’t deny that you have a tough situation. I also won’t deny that it will be hard to change things, but you can. Your story is not too different from a friend’s. He is 37. He had a history almost exactly like yours except, he is alcoholic, bipolar, with undifferentiated psychotic disorder. He has been in and out of jail and psych wards all his life and has been fired from at least 10 jobs. Here’s what happened. He got arrested one time too many and the judge ordered him into intensive therapy instead of jail. He began taking meds, all of which made him feel worse or didn’t help. His anxiety level was very high because of having to do the intensive therapy and not being allowed to drink, but he had to keep going. They finally tried cognitive behavioral therapy. It took months, but his anxiety began to mellow, and his other therapies helped him deal with his past. As he began to get better, his desire to drink lessened, he began to eat healthier, which helped immensely. His doctor put him on a regular exercise program and he lost about 50 pounds. Two years later, he is in good shape physically, not in trouble with the police, sober, taking one antidepressant, and one antipsychotic, seeing his therapist twice a month, has a job, and last summer, he met a girl, and they are getting along beautifully. He actually seems excited to see new things coming. He looks better than he did ten years ago.
I know if this guy can feel better, so can you. Go see a good psychotherapist, get a second or even third opinion until you find someone who says they can help. Remember the answer is not at the bottom of a pill bottle, though some medication may help. You’ll have a lot of hard work to do, but others have done it. As for fear of persecution for your mental heath history, don’t worry so much. People you meet in the future won’t even know of it, and it is nothing to be ashamed of. You have a disease, but with proper treatment, most people will never know, especially if you follow your dream, which I’m sure you can one day, the only people who will know will be the close friends you choose to tell, your girlfriend, and your doctor. Also, see a doctor about your physical health. You can’t get better mentally if you feel miserable physically. Start working on both right now. And the bald thing, well, some women like bald men. My last boyfriend before my current husband was bald.
You just have to gather all your nerve, and assertively get hold of your life. Pick up the phone and make a couple of doctor’s appts today, and get ready for some hard work. I know you can do it. If you’ve survived what you’ve described, then you’ll make it!
July 2nd, 2009 at 3:28 am
First lose the fear. I don’t say that lightly at all, I’ve dealt with anxiety disorder as the psycho-babblists like to call it, for most of my life.
I hated being in or near crowds it would make me the nastiest person to be around I would lash out at the people(family) that cared the most.
I couldn’t stand to walk down the street as I thought every person was looking at me or talking about me or laughing at me.
Then my friend I realized something; not all on my own, something that has changed my entire life.
We live one second of our lives at a time. " I’m ok when I’m by myself. I’m afraid when I’m with others..? why???????"
Irrational fear is not part of you…you can reason… understand that your life is at a standstill. And begin to do things about it.
I wanted to die.. I thought about how i COULD DO IT… but then I was afraid of what might come after that..what was real about the after life and God.
I pushed the idea of turning to God away real fast.!!!!!
I decided to look at what the medicine the Dox gave me was actually doing for me/ to ME.
I was lazy and afraid and had no motivation. But I tried to read and I couldn’t concentrate to get through a page of anything. I would try over and over, i would have to reread that page 4-5 times before I knew what i had read by the end of the page.
So I forced myself to confront the fears that plagued me. And started to look for a challenge to the Meds that were keeping me lethargic, and in the cycle.
But even then there was allot missing from my life.
The dreams of avarice aside, just a good relationship was what I really wanted.
I met this really nice young women, she had some anxiety issue’s of her own. But, she had one thing that I had rejected.
A relationship with Christ.
This relationship alone changed me, the anxiety still surfaces, but when it does I lay it at his feet and it goes leaving me to stand up and live with out the plaguing fears.
I live moment to moment, dispelling fear with perfect love.
I am not made for fear! I am a father, a husband, a companion, a colleague, and someone who has experienced the unreasonable fear of anxiety.