looking for reassurance - could i have any other disorders besides borderline personality disorder?
years ago i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and my psychiatrist also accepted i have PTSD traits to.
im 31 and have endured a very hard life with abuse, victimization, mental abuse all throughout .
my symptoms from the age of 16 which got worse as years past by are :
mind racing, cluttered, scattered thoughts, forgetting what i was thinking minutes before —obsessive worries— repetitive asking questions on yahoo about same life circumstances —– impulsive outbursts of rage in public, difficult controlling aggression and rage ; antisocial anger towards people ; spacing out ( dissociation ) - persecutory paranoia , agoraphobia , intense panic and anxiety feelings when outside , palpitations ; a feeling of feeling abandoned and out of control : always found it difficult to concentrate and absorb information : ( although ive read books and understood them ) : keep having to re read sentences to understand them : mind drifts off whilst reading a page of words.
always had low self esteem, difficulty interacting, forming and maintaining friendships . im very intellectual and are often told im very intelligent, understand things well, talk well , and have a good mind. have a good imagination. can converse very well.
as a kid was quite hyperactive, always running around , but calmed alot into teenage years.
my mind always races every day, racing thoughts, keep forgetting things , my mind feels scattered with thoughts, difficulty trying to organise and structure.
have obsessive worrying thoughts about physical, mental health.
everyday i get mood swings, from feeling totally depressed and despairing one minute , then the next minute , ‘ ok ” again - if im in a severe depressive low , then someone talks to me, reassures me, gives me clarity —- my mood will suddenley lift to feeling ok again –
so would that rule out having bi polar ??
i used to have aggressive outburst in public, where stress would build up…my thoughts would race…disorganised….get paranoid that people were threatening me or persecuting me , get jealous of happy people — than i would just end up losing it like a mad man, threaten people attack, lash out at strangers….
this has greatly improved for years now….i learned to control my behaviour, been seeking help. even though psychotherapy isnt available because of lack of resources.
i often worry though do my symptoms mean any other disorder other than borderline personality disorder ??
like : OCD , GAD , bi polar , add , ?? what do you think ?
i lived as a reclusive for many years, developed agoraphobia , and only go out to pay bills do shopping etc - i have bad anxiety and panic attacks when i go out, hyper vigillant , cant venture far from my neighborhood anymore etc. i stay in my apartment most of the time etc.
Posted in children psychotherapy
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July 23rd, 2009 at 6:33 pm
I think this sounds more like borderline than like bipolar - I was diagnosed borderline briefly, but I do not have abandonment issues or that "emptiness" feeling, and I do maintain good relationships when I am not symptomatic. Now that I am older, the bipolar is actually worse, not better. On the other hand, borderline does often get better as people get older (but bipolar stays the same or gets worse). Also, with bipolar, a really defining characteristic is the massive changes in the amount of sleep someone needs - like 14 hours or MORE when depressed, maybe 2 hours when manic, or 4-6 hours if they only get hypomania (and this is not insomnia, what I am saying is this is all the sleep they need or want).
There is some issue with labelling people borderline when really they have PTSD from long term abuse - google complex PTSD for more info on that. The best treatment for borderline that has been found so far, and it is supposedly VERY effective, is DBT, dialectical behavior therapy. You may be eligible for free help from your county’s social services department, because in most states, anyone with schizophrenia, bipolar, major depression, or borderline is eligible for help if they need it.
I was sexually abused over many years too, and these kinds of symptoms you are talking about are all mixed in with bipolar symptoms, and it is a daily hell, so I know what you are going thru & am sorry you have to go thru it. What I have learned about relationships with others is you have to keep a lid on it, you have to control your behavior, because that is all that others can observe about you. If you lash out at others, you will ruin relationships. You need to analyze why you lost control, and work hard at fixing that problem, and also apologize sincerely and often, as soon as you calm down.
I really think you should check with your county and see if you are eligible for a free Dialectical Behavior Therapy class. Also, someone else gave me this link when I asked a question - dbtselfhelp.com. I haven’t tried it yet. There is also free computerized cognitive behavioral therapy at moodgym.anu.edu.au. Other programs that were studied were found to be almost as good as a therapist. The DBT is really the way to go for borderline, though. Also, check if there are sexual assault non-profit organizations offering free counseling. I am very rural, and we have that here, so I bet you do, too. All the best to you/
July 23rd, 2009 at 6:33 pm
accept what your psychiatrist says. do not worry about this any longer; i’ve read your billions of other questions and it’s accumulating far too much.
you need to delete your yahoo answers account to stop your from obsessing. train yourself not to obsess over asking the same questions over and over by doing this.
good luck and i really do wish you a more pleasant life than it seems you already have had x
July 23rd, 2009 at 6:33 pm
I think Borderline is all.
You should probably break with the reclusiveness as much as possible. Have you ever traveled internationally? Do it now if you have the means to do so. Get out and do something, anything, that will get you outside and around people. The more you isolate yourself, the worse it will get.
July 23rd, 2009 at 6:33 pm
I didn’t read all of that, but I did skim through. First off, why are you hellbent on needing another disorder? During my years in the psychiatric system I learned that these are just labels for billing purposes. A group of psychs got together and made a show of hands to decide which disorder is which. I would say if you are worried about having more problems you should revisit your psych. You didn’t say when you last went so maybe now is a good time to go.
I’m not sure what kind of reassurance I can give you. It seems the only people who can give that kind of compassion are the people close to you. If I were to tell you that everything would be okay and just peachy then I would be a liar because I honestly don’t know.
The only certainty that I know especially when dealing with mental illness is to take it one day at a time. That is really all you can do.