Pshychotherapy meta-help needed?

Though I partly know the answer to my question, viz go see a psychotherapist, I would like sugestions so I do it better.

I am a 30 yr old male, currently unemployed, just sitting at my parents home ( though I share the rent/expenses using my savings). I was fired from my previous job; and before that too I quit just before they were gonna fire me. I am a loser in that I wouldn’t move a muscle to help myself, and keep no friends. I have succeeded in losing contact with college (then) friends, and didn’t make any new ones in last 6 years.

I have traced the genesis of my apathy to some abuse I suffered as a 11 year old. And I really had to understand it, stranger, cause till I was 20, I had no clue that the abuse had any effect on me at all. The abuse was sexual in nature, and had an bullying element to it. Now I am 30, lonely, unemployed and suffering with back problem, I feel so sad cause I believe 20 years of my life have been taken from me. The the rest of it does not look good either.

I guess I should mention that shame, fear, low self-esteem, apathy etc have been my constant companions. I think that unless I share my secret with *someone/anyone I wont be able to get anywhere. I tried writing it now, but dont really wanna. I guess I should talk to a psychiatrist, but am fearful about it.

Sometimes I am so angry cause I know the abuser is living somewhere, perhaps a happy life, perhaps still abusing kids( so tough to even write this), and have murderous thoughts. But don’t worry, I am no murderer; I know I am a coward ( this is how I put myself down all the time, just an example)

All these years I have read alot to unsderstand what my problem is. The mirror neurons, Maslow, 100s of hours of reading of pshychology text without proper understanding etc, have not helped me cause all along I have known this quote from Einstein has some truth: "Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them." I guess I need someone’s help.

Please suggest how I should get the best out of a pshychotherapist. I feel like I should just go to someone, blurt out my secret, by which I mean the details of the abuse. Is that how its supposed to work?

Also please tell me what type of therapy, or psychologist should I talk to.

I am not a westerner. Does that change how psychotherapy applies to me?

PS this post really seems long; and I am sure its incoherent. I have been thinking about writing it for like 20 days but was ral lazy( read apathetic) . Also as you can guess I made this account to ask this question. Tho I have spend hous on end on yahoo answers previously.

Posted in children psychotherapy