the incredibly cruel ex- son in law continues to antagonize his ex wife [ my daughter ] every chance he gets?
he has primary custody . she gets every other weekend etc . they did divorce & make a settlement . he continues to ask her to sign away parental rights , and to tell these children goodbye . he calls a lot to annoy /harass . he wont do stupid threats but …..he knows how to push her buttons . she has suffered from mental illness . she is doing very well with therapy and medication . she is /has been diagnosed as depressed. initially she was diagnosed as bi polar on discharge from a mental hospital . a forensic psychiatrist saw her and was able to determine she was depressed and not bi polar . his testimony is what helped her to be allowed see these children . ohh yeah a lot of this was brought on by the traumatic loss of her vision , she had surgeries and anti rejection meds . mental ilness showed up later . side effects of meds ? the s-i-l knows he can say stuff to cripple her . she is strong .but it gets to her . she does have good therapy . she needs apro bonolawyer in dallas
three kids ……10 & 8 yr old boys 7 yr ol d girl , s- i -l winds up with marrying her best friend . her little girl was play date for 7 yr old girl ………..nowwwwww .. they are roomates ….with .bunkbeds . and the house where the best friend and her lil 7 yr old girl lived . ARE ABOUT 400 FEET AWAY FROM THE HOUSE WHERE THEY LIVE NOW . HER EX STILL LIVES THERE !! DOES ANYONE THINK THESE KIDS MIGHT NEED COUNSELING ??
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December 2nd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
Mature answer: Ignore him and let him be, what goes around comes around.
What I would do if it were a friend or family member of mine: Well, he may not remember who he was after the beating he took from a stranger in an alley one night.
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
Firstly kick him in the balls. Then fart in his mouth. You are now one step closer to world domination
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
Yep & he needs his clock cleaned.
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
She needs to think about what is best for the children. Mentally ill people need a lot of care themselves and often times do not make good parents. It is not their fault, but it is a fact.
I do not know any attorneys who will take a pro bono case that is this terrible.
Best of luck and God bless.
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
Such a sad situation - why did they split??
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
She is only antagonized by him because she let’s him antagonize her, and you don’t help by continuing to play into the saga of the drama.
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
sir, i know this is mean but you need to beat the living crap out of that boy, then beat him some more. when your done find some one else to beat him again.
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
1st - carefull getting in the middle. 2 - realize there are two sides to every story. 3. Keep it simple. Have her document everything, but no war stories or he said she said stuff. Just document bonafide things she is doing pro kids pro herself. And document his obstructing her right to see children in a factual business like way. (for later when she gets her day in court) 4. Have her learn/ read all on dealing with bullies and mean people. 5. Find the local legal aid office in the county the case was tried. They will file at a reduced rate.
He is pretty sick it sounds like. Parental Alienation is wrong. Good luck.
Note to a responder below - and yes I gave them a thumbs down. The OP said pro-bono lawyer. The responder described spending what? $50K over 3 years? Was back child support worth it? Was winning worth it? Poor kid(s) that’s $50k they’ll never see. Coulda payed for some college? Yes? No one wins in divorce. Good luck to the OP.
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
Call the law and get a restraining order against him and tell her not to sign any thing away because if she does he’ll want every thing else that she has and it is
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
It’s so hard when there are kids involved. As a Mom, we all know how hard it is to not see our babies all the time. It sounds as though your daughter is going through a lot right now, and so are you. I wish I had some good solid advice, but all I have to offer is my prayers and compassion for your situation. I have had one man after another who "pushes my buttons", and God will keep bringing them into my life until I learn how to deal with them. I hope you both get the support you need to get through these difficult times.
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
yes he needs to stop all this non sense. she does need to turn the other cheek when he says stuff and let it go in one ear and out the other. i would get a lawyer and talk to them about this.. and get him to quit playing one parent against the other. no one will benefit doing that and the kids will suffer the most..she just needs to make her time with the kids the best weekends and they will let there dad know that they had a good time.. and if hes smart and sees that the kids really can have a good time with you maybe he will lay off you. i wish you luck
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
As my lawyer said to me when I started procedures, " You need a bully and if you cannot defend yourself right now, you need someone who can." You sound like such a wonderful and devoted mother. She is lucky to have you as I am lucky to have my mother during my difficult times. I say interview at least 3 lawyers, make sure you have the one who likes to fight, who hates to loose. It is always better when your lawyer is a competitive individual. Before and after you get said lawyer try not to let your daughter speak with him alone. Any conversation needs to be taped. Ask your new lawyer to set up times he may call her and times in which she may speak to the kids without interference. If she has a time reference it will not be so stressful. I will not kid you - It will take money. My divorce took about 50 grand and took a period of 3 years, but he lost. He still cannot deal with that and calls and harasses me..so now we have a suit for slander and harassment against him..and back child support. The mother needs to be with the child. I see a definite issue in her mental health, but if you can establish that it is pure depression and not bipolar episodes you have a shot. When she is a bit better why not have your new lawyer have both parents evaluated…lets see how he comes out when being questioned. If you need any advice on getting through those tests, please don’t hesitate to e-mail me. I will help you with any advice I can.
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
I agree, she needs a good lawyer. Quite frankly because this is going to be complicated, I’m not so sure too many of them would be lining up to take this on. My advice to you would be to contact the law professor in your local college and see if he would take on the case as a class project. You’d be amazed at what eager students would come up with as a strategy.
In the meantime, help your daughter start a journal of each encounter with the ex..even phone calls (dates, times and items discussed) and then start taping some of these conversations with this man. Make an appointment with the guardian adlitem who sat in on the case to discuss her concerns and explain how difficult the ex is being when it comes to her contact with the children. Do the same with the social worker.
You could go as far as petitioning the court for a no contact order with this man (which might be a good idea considering her circumstances), but then you would have to act as the mediator when it comes time for visition so that she too, obeys that no contact order.
Honey, I wish I had better news for you. It truly is a complicated situation. I can understand why the children aren’t with your daughter, however, I don’t understand why this ex of hers has been allowed to carry on like this. He’s keeping her broken down and in a state of depression. She has enough going on just simply trying to function and be the best mom she can be given her situation. he shouldn’t be allowed to do this and it might be good for you to step in until she’s well enough to stand up to him.
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
You need to get a court order that doesn’t allow him to come in contact with her.
The children can be left and picked up at a neutral site.
Get a lawyer for your daughter so she doesn’t have to have anything to do with him.
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
have her document every threat/harrassment/anything that he does with exact details, time/date etc. (if she can’t write cuz of her vision, she can do it in a tape recorder) until she can find a lawyer. btw, what does she want a lawyer for, to get custody? or what?
She can also easily file a restraining order against him and he will have to stop calling her and won’t be able to be around her at all (probably better for her mental health) but he might get stubborn about it since the exchange of the kids would have to be done through a third party (you or friend or neighbor, etc.) and try to withhold visits, but thats when her records of his harrasment will come in handy because he cannot legally withhold her from visiting her kids and if he tries to get the orders changed, the judge probably will not revoke her visitation rights when she has made the correct legal action to prevent him from harrassing him (hey, there are corrupt/unjust judges out there, but 99% chance it will be ruled in favor of her, courts like kids with their moms even if they are a little messed up).
PS. Copy those documents so that you can have more than one in different locations, just in case!
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
Don’t ever under estimate the intelligence of children because in the long term He is going to be the looser. As the saying goes "The truth always has a way of surfacing".
While she is really bad, I think its wise he looks after the daughter / children.
I know of a guy who did this to his ex wife who developed schizophrenia and harassed her to get her to sign her rights away to having the twins, but to this day they still prefer mum.
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
What a very sad situation. The kids definitely need counseling as soon as possible.
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
I divorced a man who continued to antagonize me throughout our marriage, during our divorce, and after. Now he knows better. My circumstances are different however, in that HE is the one with the mental issues and I am the one who has full custody.
What I have learned from my own divorce (it took a full year to divorce and a very nasty trial, complete with a psych eval, bonding assessment and a court-ordered guardian ad litem’s investigation), and what I am advising to you, is to document what your ex son-in-law is doing. My ex-husband was denied visitation until he completed an anger management and parenting class. He was allowed however, to call our daughter twice a week. During his calls, he said extremely inappropriate and upsetting things to her, including threatening me with jail, with him coming to take her etc. My daughter, age 9, was traumatized and needed to have counseling to deal with it. The counselor wrote a letter to the court stating that it was in my daughter’s best interests to have no contact from her father whatsoever until he can be shown to be able to act appropriately and until my daughter was emotionally ready. She already had a hard time with the year-long divorce. Before the counselor got involved, my attorney advised me to document the phone calls. I was not to record them, of course, because that was illegal. I was however, supposed to write down the date and time my ex called and my child’s disposition after the calls were over. My ex was not consistent with his calling (he had appointed days and times) yet tried to say I was denying him communication. I kept a communication diary for a couple of months before the counselor got involved.
What your ex s-i-l is doing is emotionally destructive and cruel. He KNOWS the stress your daughter has been under, he KNOWS how fragile she is mentally and emotionally, yet he deliberately pushes her buttons with the selfish desire to push her over the edge so that she will be permanently out of her children’s lives. This is called parental alienation, and is highly frowned upon by the courts (my ex did that and THAT’S the main reason I was able to get full custody instead of shared custody). If you are able to document what he is doing, and hire an attorney to represent your daughter, it doesn’t matter what her mental/emotional issues are if she is doing her best to overcome them. She still has a right to be a part of her children’s lives. It’s obvious that her ex is trying to deny her that right by pushing her out of her children’s lives. The court needs to know that. In the court that my divorce was handled in, some parents went to jail for a day or so when they engaged in that behavior, and others lost custody when they had it. I know this because the judge said so. Your daughter needs a competent lawyer to help her and you, her mother, are a perfect witness to document stuff. If anyone else witnesses the phone calls and can document what they heard your daughter say on her end of the conversation, then such letters of documentation can be submitted to the court as "statements" and can cause the court to initiate an investigation into how your ex-son-in-law is influencing the children. If he’s treating your daughter this way, chances are, he’s bad-mouthing your daughter to her children. That again, is a no-no with the court (parental alienation). A court-ordered investigation can detect if this is happening because the children and others will be interviewed (it’s okay, it’s done gently) by those trained to tell if a child is covering up for a parent who has done something wrong.
If your daughter cannot afford a lawyer, you can google an attorney referral service for your city and they can put you in touch with lawyers who work for free or on a sliding scale. The county courthouse’s Family Law court facilitator can also advise and give you a list of lawyers who can help for free or reduced cost.
Please don’t let this lout get away with this. Your daughter and your grandchildren don’t deserve for this guy to be allowed to do what he is doing. He is hurting his own children by his actions and shooting himself in the foot. Let him continue to shoot himself in the foot, but document everything he does, and then hand it over to an attorney and let them take it from there. Best wishes in this.
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
First of all you could learn the Laws where you live and that’s easily done via internet or going to the Courthouse. You can do Pro Se Motions where no attorney is allowed for either party–petition the Court for your cause and it will be seen before a Judge and go from there.
Her depression could likely include what the ex-husband did and continues to do.
She does need to document things and learn when he starts his verbal abuse is to tell him "I’m not going to take this anymore and I’m hanging up" or she can let the answering machine pick up and as he starts to leave a message p/u the phone and let him know right away that the call is being taped. If he has a problem with calls being taped then maybe he won’t be so verbally abusive or he’ll say no and unless it has something to do with the children he won’t say a word–end of conversation that he wanted.
It would probable be a good thing if the children were in counseling.
Even with her conditions, she could possibly be a better parent than the father and missing her children could bring on depression besides her vision problem. Good Luck!!!