What’s happened to me?

I don't know where to start,I'm fourteen?
i'm scared that you'll see me the wrong way.
I suppose i could say i've changed,
i'm not a child anymore, not really.
I make myself sick.
I can't help it.
I eat it, then i just can't bear it being inside of me,
making me fat.
I make myself throw up into bags and hide them in my room.
It's vile, but it's the only way.
I write down how i feel in books.

'Who is she?
that girl in the mirror,
she says she's here to look out for me,
but all she does is make them hate me..
she say's she loves me,
but i can see in her eyes,
she hates every bone in my body.
She told me things were going to be alright,
but they just got worse.
she said that i'd sleep tonight,
only if i threw it up first..'

People hate me.
My family are moving away from here (london)
when i'm sixteen,and leaving me.
I said i didn't want to go with them.
So i'll have to find somewhere to stay.
I said ok. I'm independnt as it is.
Sometimes i can't speak, because my minds screaming at me
that people are judging me, i'm saying the wrong thing.
I've tried killing myself on many occasions.
I don't want to die.
But it's like there's another person inside of me trying to destroy me.
Thankyou so much for reading this.
If anyone has an email address/msn they could talk to me on,
leave it please.i refuse to talk to any counsellors ever.

xo

Posted in counsellor london