Why is this Psychotherapist…?
Why is this Psychotherapist pushing the parent of a person with problems to do something, which makes them feel even worse?
This Psychotherapist is considered a good psychotherapist and is the manager but her telling to pressure the parent’s adult child is making the kid feel worse. I don’t think that is good, in fact I think pushing someone to do something they hate is detrimental. What kind of a quack Psychotherapist is this? Is this what Psychotherapy is about? Its bogus, then! I would never push someone to do something. It only makes them feel worse and have them attack me back. In truth, you cannot help someone who doesn’t want help. Who knows what will happen that person might kill you or kill themselves or do anything else crazy.
Thoughts please.
Gregg- The Psychotherapist is telling the parent to push the adult child of the parent. The child is not mentally healthy (stressed and confused) and is having real problems and the pushing makes it worse.
Posted in children psychotherapy
content rss
August 30th, 2010 at 11:18 pm
I’m not sure I fully understand the question, as your participle has been left dangling, you refer to "adult child" and "kid" as the same person in the same sentence, and "…pushing someone to do something they hate is detrimental," is in reference to the parent or adult child (you said the therapist is pushing the parent)? So, pushing the parent to push the child?
Not knowing the mental or emotional condition of the child, there is not enough information to accurately suggest an effective course of intervention.
If the "child" is otherwise healthy (mentally, physically, and emotionally…some may inlcude spiritually), then perhaps the suggestion to "push" is not bad; rather, it might have been a poor way to communicate the intended action. I’m not trying to purport condescension, but ineffective communication (as in the phrasing of the above question) can cause undesirable results.
1.) Do not enable the "child" to continue in whatever negative behavior he/she is displaying. So, if tough love is applicable, use it…with caution.
2.) Encourage the "child," but don’t coerce or try to impose one’s own (or another person’s) will onto him/her or it will further oppress him/her. Eventually, he/she will either withdraw even further or perhaps retaliate against the perpetrator.
3.) Get to know the "child" again. Parents might think they know their children, but aside from basic personality,habits and/or preferences, they typically don’t know their children any more than they know their spouse…or in many cases, no better than they truly know themselves! Lack of trust destroys bonds between a lot of people. Overcoming this can be a major endeavor. If you want to gain others’ trust, one must first entrust them. Crawl first, then baby steps, etc….
4.) Positive reinforcement and non-judgmental responses are very powerful in motivation. Again, the key is to NOT impose one’s will on others, rather embrace their individuality and champion them to whatever they aspire. Dreams are individual, but often require others’ support.
Relative to this (or any specific) situation, it is obvious that all the facts need to be disclosed. These are just a few basic guidelines to consider.
As for the pyschologist: He/she should be certain that the client completely comprehends any explanation(s)and or suggestion(s) so that there are no misunderstandings.
As for the client: He/she should ask any/all pertinent questions to attain a clear understanding in layman’s terms. If a counselor does not provide reasonable time for this during a session and is unwilling to extend in order to meet the clients’ needs, it is quite possible that he/she doesn’t have any real concern for (or interest in) his/her clients. In this case, I’d suggest finding another therapist.
ADDITION:
STRESSED AND CONFUSED? Isn’t that what being an adult is about in today’s society? Here again, I would suggest that the parents be a little bit more subdued in their approach, but still be proactive. Doing nothing or enabling will only add to the parents’ stress and confusion…add to the child’s…etc. It becomes perpetual.
As you seek answers on this forum, the parent(s) should seek answers from their child (see #2, 3, and 4). There is no simple, overnight solution to this situation. As life itself is dynamic, everything is in constant change. Patience and temperance are invaluable to the "child’s" long-term well-being, though a slight nudge in the right direction (at the right time) can create great momentum towards achieving the desired goals. Theoretically, the parent/child bond can and should be strengthened along the way and overall greater happiness can be achieved and (hopefully) cherished.
August 30th, 2010 at 11:18 pm
sometimes people NEED to be pushed and sometimes people NEED to get worse before they change for the better…
August 30th, 2010 at 11:18 pm
Maybe the psychotherapist has information that we don’t have. I would concede to you that when dealing with narcissistic personality disorder, you can’t help a person who doesn’t want help. It is the fine line we walk as Christians. The balance between helping and enabling. Maybe the psychotherapist thinks the parent is enabling the child, instead of helping that child. It would be wrong of us to just guess. In the Bible is tells how an Eagle has to push the baby birds from the nest, maybe that is what the psychotherapist is talking about. If the psychotherapist is wrong for this family, then maybe they need to seek other counseling. It is hard to answer this question with the information given.
August 30th, 2010 at 11:18 pm
OMG! Narcissistic Personality Disorder? You would conced that, wishnu? LMAO! Asker elaborated, saying "stressed and confused."
While I appreciate your attempt to interject Christian values into this equation, I think it’s best that you leave the advice to better qualified responders. Where in the world did you come up with NPD? It was certainly not from the APA’s DSM-VI or any other version of the Diagnostic and Statistics Manual.
I vote for the only qualified response, as it is insightful, non-directive, but suggests both to NOT enable and to seek alternate counsel if dissatisfied. That would not be wishnu!
August 30th, 2010 at 11:18 pm
To vague to really answer. A therapists goal is to get the person to challenge themselves. Face fears,phobias, etc,etc. Do you feel like your being pushed or challenged within. Denial can produce anger and passive-aggressive behaviors. Maybe your not comfortable and therefore feel pushed,forced. Remember that is why you are there to address these mechanisms that are no longer productive to obtaining your goals. Buy a book called emotional intelligence and empower yourself versus denying that you need to do anything for yourself to solve your situation.